I am not a mother

I am not a mother

It is a shortcoming
I have not been able to fill

I grieve over it
desiring so much to have a child of my own

But God did not consider
that a gift to be mine

God gave me pets .... kittens
and puppies and bunnies
to love, to nurture, to give me joy

They were and are my children
I was and am their mommy

But its not the same
And even though God has given
And God has said

Someone else can come along
and remind you
of your shortcomings
of what you don't have
of what you aren't

I am not a mother
I have no human child
to call my own
No child to which I gave birth
or adopted
or fostered
or miscarried
or buried

I am not a mother.

To call myself one
is a lie.
I have taken something
that belongs to another

I have no right
I am not real

I am not a mother.

God sees
But another does not
God sees it all,
good and bad
truths and untruths
But another's perception
determines
what is more important
what is real

I am not real

I am not a mother

(c) May 16, 2012