Are you sure Lord?

Are you sure Lord I am okay?
I am where I am to be for this moment?
Probably not.
Always seeming to be unsure.
Always it seems
I look to what others see in me
and wonder if what they see is real
is what you Lord desire them to see
I fear I am not.
Not even among friends
or those I think are friends
do I feel secure in that friendship
Fearful
I should not care
I imagine
I should just move on.
Rely totally on you.
Perhaps I am not
I never feel good enough
I'm not good enough
I will never be good enough
But friendship is important is it not?

Tell me Lord what I should do.
I feel sometimes no matter what I do, it's not right.

How should I
How do I
rise above
all that I feel
all the remorse
and sadness I feel

It isn't where I want
to be.

How Lord
How

I don't know how.

.... I can choose
to dwell
on negative thoughts
or I can choose to dwell
on Godly thoughts.

The choice is always
ours alone to make.

I am because of God
because of who God is
and what He is

No matter how strong
another thinks he is
God is stronger
God is more powerful.
God is mightier
God is.

And because of God
I am

Not because of me
But because of Him
who is greater
than I will ever be.

That doesn't make me a failure
God doesn't make failures.
Only in our own minds,
when we dwell there
and become distraught,
disillusioned within
we think we are a failure
But not to God
To Him we are a work in progress.

Today's devotional
Flawed and Frail
reminds me
The Lord is not
looking for super heroes
but rather those who are
frail and flawed.
That I am.
Through our frailness
and our flawedness
The Lord brings about strength and grace

Be willing
Be available
God will work in you
Through you
To reach another.

(c) November 8, 2008

Me oh My

My legs itch.
My selfishness gets the best of me at times
My plans go awry
Me
Me
Me
My feelings
My loss
My dreams
My everything

What does God think of me?
Where am I

Is He happy with me?

Can He see my love for Him?

Is He ashamed of me

Does He consider me an evil doer
a foolish woman
a prayer warrior?

Is God pleased with my attempts to honor Him?

Does God consider me
His daughter?
Or am I alone

Should I withdraw into myself
Should I hide
Should I withdraw from activities

No one sees
No one responds

My fears
My concerns
My desires

What does God see in me?
Where am I

Am I sunshine
or clouds of gray
Am I caring
Or do I care less

Do you Lord see my love for others
Or have I betrayed you

What does God think of me
Am I growing
or am I stagnant

Is this all selfishness
to write so much
about nothing
Am I nothing


Who am I Lord
Where am I

Am I in the midst
of others with greater

I know where you are Lord
I talk to you daily
I read your holy Word
I think about what you
have to say to me
You are here, right here,
in my heart.
But where am I Lord?
Who will answer?
Ed Ames once sang a song,
"Who will answer?"
Who am I Lord
Where am I

Am I where you want me to be
Are you pleased with me

Do I bring you any joy
or only anguish

It's not all about me.
But always there is a me.
The body of me make up mankind.

Woe is me

(c) November 3, 2008

I AM with you

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

It happened
The unimaginable
A child dies
A job is lost
Health deteriorates

Our concern
gives way to anguish
as we pursue
over and over
and over again
in our minds
the possible reasons

But the source
of all that is
The One
who knows
the whys
and wherefores
stays silent

Where do we go
What is the next step
How do we move on
past this point
of deep despair?

He tells us
to stay focused
not on the what if's and buts
not on the what once was
and is now gone
not on what we wish could return
No,
He tells us
to remember Him
to "Fear not,
for I am with you;
Be not dismayed,
for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes,
I will help you.
I will uphold you
with my righteous right hand."
(Isaiah 41:10)

We see,
but do we see Him?!
Does the brokenness of our hearts
cause us to dwell
more on our pain
than on the Lord
who can heal us?

Jesus,
our beloved Savior and Lord,
shows us
the way to peace.
Through Him
we find comfort and consolation,
we find beauty and love,
we find hope.

We must be in His Word,
study His Word,
talk with Him,
listen to Him.

We must not settle
our selves on events
in and of the world
that will cause us to stray
from
The One
who gives us life,
who is our life.

(c) November 18/19, 2011

Guilt

Guilt.
Amazing how another can make you feel
Not build you up
Not encourage you
Not say I'm praying for you
Not asking how a loved one is doing
   or how you yourself are doing ...

simply amazing.

You receive what you think
is an act of kindness
but find it is not.
Given under false pretense,
wrong motive

Guilt.
Feeling you need to apologize
for the situation you're in
Feeling you need to explain
why laundry and dishes
and grocery shopping
and preparing meals
don't get done
in a timely fashion.
Feeling you need to come to your own defense.
Of course I know how to cook.
I know how to do laundry
and wash dishes
and buy groceries
and pay bills.
Knowing how is not the issue.

Guilt.
Feeling the need to rest,
to relax,
to put your feet up
and do nothing for an hour or two
is wrong.

I am guilty before God,
but He does not condemn me.
He forgives me for all of my shortcomings.
He forgave me at the cross.
He forgave me when I asked Him into my heart.

(c) November 16, 2011